If I’m in a mood, ask what happened. I’ve recently learnt that more than 50% of the population have suffered significant trauma in the absence of a sufficient protective relationship. Levels of trust and sense of self-worth are affected. Intrusive questions like “What’s wrong with you?” can trigger negative survival responses, such as fight or flight or freeze. That’s why it’s better to ask “What happened?” What helps then, is deep listening. It’s not easy for me to do, with so much I always want to say, but I’m going to try.
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